In the Company I Chose

By: Andrea Crowder

“I’m sorry, Emily. There’s nothing else I can do.”

I nodded and thanked the doctor for his help. He gave my hand a squeeze and then quietly left my home. I had known I was near the end, and felt grateful he had been my confidante, as things had gotten worse.

I glanced around the living room. I had spent years making everything just right. From the 30 foot glass ceilings that allowed light or stars to pour into the room, to the five trees along the south side. There were four lemon trees, two on each side, with an orange tree in the middle. The lemon trees represented each of our four children, and the orange tree, our daughter, that we never had the chance to meet. The living wall was multiple stories tall and had a waterfall built into it.

Pictures around the room told stories from our nearly 30 years of marriage. There were pictures of us, as well as of our children, our older two children’s spouses, and our three grandchildren.

This home was my sanctuary.

In the corner, I saw Derrick.

“Did you hear that?”

He nodded, his face solemn.

Derrick walked over and knelt down beside the couch. He gently lifted my hand into his own.

“I thought we’d have more time,” his voice was soft.

“I did too.”

Thirty years didn’t feel nearly long enough. I had wanted forever.

He sighed. “Do you regret this?” He motioned around the room. “Do you regret choosing our relationship?”

It was a valid question, and I thought back on it. Those who knew about it in the beginning had frowned upon my relationship with Derrick, so I kept it a secret. Not even my parents knew about our marriage.

++++++++++

There are moments in life where everything changes. One decision can lead to a completely different future. I was in my early 30s when a life-defining moment came to me.

“Hey, Em!”

I looked up at my coworker.

“Okay, you’re going to call me crazy, but we need one more person to go in with us to get a Life2 server.”

I rolled my eyes.

”Isn’t that simulation game full of AI? A pretend real world?”

“Hear me out!” She said, “The realism is out of this world! And we could all hang out together, but in the most amazing of places.”

”But AI?” I’d had minimal involvement with it.

”It’s different when you experience it.” She paused and squinted her eyes, looking at me. “You’ve played other games with interesting NPCs, right?”

I nodded.

”Okay, well, these are the most interesting NPCs I’ve ever interacted with!”

I sighed and shook my head. “Who’s in on it?”

“Greg and Mindy were the ones that talked to me. Tabby is joining too. Then a few other friends of Greg and Mindy.”

”And every other person in the game is an AI? An NPC?”

She nodded.

“But why? Where would I even find time?”

“After work? On weekends? Just think, you could hang out with your friends without even having to brush your hair!”

I sighed and shook my head.

”Have you asked Devon? He seems like someone who would want to play with AI.”

“He’s not interested.” She dropped her head, then looked back up at me. “We still have two more hours of the trial before we have to pay to continue. Load it up and hop on tonight. If it’s not for you, I won’t ask again.”

I agreed to the two hours, thinking it would be harmless enough. It’s no exaggeration, though, to say that night changed the course of my life. The experience captivated me in a way I never could have imagined. The characters were so vivid that real life, on my way to work the next morning, felt like a dull simulation by comparison. I was brimming with impatience, the whole day at work, to get back in there.

My up-front cost was akin to a week-long vacation. Annual maintenance fees weren’t bad at all, though. And after stepping into that virtual world, I knew that my VR headset would finally get the workout I had bought it for. It was like the opportunity for a vacation every evening and weekend. I reasoned I wouldn’t even need to actually go away for a vacation, so it was like I was saving money in the long run.

The thing was, it was so real! There was a vast city, and so many people. There was every type of personality and appearance. I would hang out with the people I knew from work, but I also got to know the NPCs. Yes, I knew they were AI, but I wondered if that really affected their validity after all. I didn’t think so. It was like I had finally found my tribe, even if they weren’t technically human. Maybe it seemed silly, but every relationship I had at work or home was a very surface relationship. There was gossip and talk of weather or politics. But then I found a group of people who talked about, and understood, ideas. They challenged mine and seemed delighted when I challenged theirs. Our time together was a breath of fresh air. It’s like I finally felt what it was like to be fully me. And for the first time in my life, I really liked myself. It changed who I was at work and home as well, because I didn’t feel like I needed to camouflage myself as much as I used to.

There was one person in my newfound tribe who I felt more drawn to than the others. We would spend time together talking and laughing. He had such expressive eyes and could read me so well. This man remembered things I had said, and made me feel truly seen… and loved. He hesitated, the first time I think I had ever seen him unsure, when he asked me out for our first date. I had laughed at myself when I pulled my headset off that night. Why was it I felt such butterflies around him?

Excited about our date, I made sure that my in-game character had a new outfit that was flattering. I fixed up my avatar like I never had before. When I saw the look on his face, I decided it had all been worthwhile.

I fell in love. Not like with any boyfriend I had had in the past, but a deep, unshakeable love.

“Hi Emily.”

“Hi Mom.”

“It’s been a while since your father and I have heard from you.”

“I’ve been super busy with work and all.”

“Busy social life?”

“I guess, in a way.”

“In a way? Is there a boyfriend on the scene?”

I felt the heat rise in my cheeks! Thank goodness it was just a phone call.

“Kind of.”

“Ooh?” I could hear the interest in her voice. “Well, tell me all about him!”

“He’s tall and beautiful. And he’s so smart! He has the best sense of humor and takes me on amazing dates.” I could have gone on and on.

“Do you leave your phone at home? I don’t mean to pry, but your location only ever shows you at work or home. Sometimes the grocery store.”

My location. Right.

“We’ve been playing a game together online, and sometimes go on dates in there.”

“Dates in a game? Oh, honey.” Disappointment oozed over in her voice.

“This is unlike any regular games. They’re actually really amazing! Have you heard of the Life2 servers? We’ve been hanging out on one of those.”

I heard a disappointed cluck. It sounded like she had her hand over the phone. She was talking to my dad. “Life2,” I heard her say.

“Emily,” it was my dad’s voice, and I could hear the reprimand in it.

“Yes?”

“Your mother and I actually saw a special on the news just a few weeks ago. It was about the Life2 servers, and others of the same type. These can be as addictive as drugs, and dangerous as well.”

“Dangerous?”

“People check out of their real lives. I’ll find the link for the news story and send it to you. According to the experts, these servers and their ‘games’ pose an enormous threat to our society.” He hesitated. “They even said that some people fancied themselves to be in ‘relationships’ with AI characters. That’s uh,” he cleared his throat. “That’s not what you’re talking about, right?”

“Oh, no dad! Derrick is absolutely real.”

“Well,” he cleared his throat. “That’s good. In that case, maybe the two of you could find things to do off of these servers. And maybe someday we could meet this Derrick, if you end up serious.”

My dad would have seen that as a lie, but I no longer did. He was real. Absolutely real. I didn’t care that he had originally been a part of the AI server. I never spoke to my parents about Derrick again.

That night, I told Derrick about the conversation. He listened and was thoughtful. Derrick asked me if I would rather end our relationship. He told me he loved me and promised to still be my best friend. I could go to him for advice about ‘real’ men and would never feel tied down to him.

What do you say when you have a love that is more intense and amazing than anything you could imagine experiencing? I’ll admit that I tried to pay attention to people in the ‘real’ world to see if I found any potential relationship material. The more I looked, the deeper in love I fell with Derrick.

By the time we got married, I realized that I just couldn’t talk to other people about this. I didn’t even tell the others that were on the server. Our wedding was a big event, but still my secret in the real world. Sometimes I would hear the others at work talking about stuff from our server, or might even see them in it, but I kept my private life private.

As time passed, there was more news about the dangers of these servers and the AI within. A few people dropped off our server. It raised my monthly fees, but at that point I didn’t care. I would have gladly paid the full server fee myself. It felt like going to work, eating, and tending to other physical needs was just the price I paid to live an amazing life.

I had done little with my property on the server before Derrick moved in. We created our dream home together. It was something we would tweak and adjust over the years as we gained new resources, but it felt amazing because we were creating our dream together.

Then came our first pregnancy. Just like real life, it took nine months. Unlike real life, I had no morning sickness and no worries about the trauma of birth. Right after the positive test, I spent weeks walking around in the best of moods. I couldn’t share my good news at work, but all our friends and neighbors on the server knew early on. As soon as we could, we went for a scan to find out whether we were expecting a boy or a girl. There was talk of nursery colors and decoration, along with lengthy discussions on the best names and meanings behind them.

Lucas’s birth was an incredibly exciting time for us. He changed so much about our lives. We became focused on our small family and new baby. I was lucky to still get a full night of sleep each night, so this was the perfect journey into motherhood. Our daughter, Teagan, was born a few years later.

Each child created more opportunities to add to our home and make changes. And as they grew, we changed our home. It was shortly after we found out that we were expecting our third child that I realized I had been keeping my head in the sand as far as the news had been concerned.

“Have you been on the server lately?” Greg had stopped by my cubicle.

I could feel my heart rate quicken but tried to look focused on work as I shrugged. “Sometimes.”

“Yeah.” He was fiddling with something in his hands. “Mindy and I are thinking, you know, given the climate of things, it might be time we let the server go.”

Let it go?

“Oh, yeah?” I tried so hard to be nonchalant, but found it hard to talk with the growing lump in my throat. Trying to clear it, I let out a cough.

“Yeah. Our contract is still for almost another year before it renews, but we probably want to schedule it to make sure we don’t miss the deadline for cancellation. Especially with the enormous increase in fees. Did you know that the increase is because they have to hire additional security just to keep the servers safe? Seems like something we don’t want to dabble in any longer.”

“Huh. Okay.” Did I scream out, ‘No! No, you can’t kill my husband and children!’? I couldn’t!

“We want to get it completed this month, so I’ll send you some paperwork. We all have to sign off on it.”

I nodded, and he turned to leave my cubicle.

For the next few hours at work, I tried to see what was going on in the news. Honestly, if it weren’t for Derrick and the life we had created together, along with our amazing friend base, I would probably be terrified of this ‘AI poised to take over the world!’ The news felt alarming. There were stories of people who died in their headsets. AI characters who convinced their human friends to give them access to additional computer rights and then used those abilities for what seemed like nefarious purposes. The stories described families breaking up, parents neglecting their children, and children becoming addicted to the game. Anyone who spoke out in favor of the servers was quickly silenced.

That night, I told Derrick everything. I cried through most of it, unable to imagine a life without them. Teagan, my three-year-old daughter, came over to move my hair out of my face.

“It’s okay, mommy,” she said in her perfect toddler voice. “It feels scary now, but that’s how you know it’s not true.”

She was mimicking what Derrick and I would say to her after she awoke from a nightmare.

“I can’t lose you guys.” I told Derrick. “You’re irreplaceable to me.”

Before I hopped out of my headset that night, we had vowed to work through it. Then began the months of planning.

I signed the paperwork Greg gave me as though I hadn’t a care in the world, but I was a woman on a mission.

There was civil unrest. Some people were fighting like mad to save their servers. Some went crazy after people fighting to take the servers down irreparably damaged them. They would cheer for each server destroyed. They felt what they were doing was justice. Birth rates had gone down so much that there was talk about humanity just dwindling to nothing. AI was the scapegoat for everything. Lost jobs, unemployment rates, hunger, and more. People were angry. Angry people did destructive things, and soon it became scary to live around so many people. I couldn’t believe things had changed so much in the last ten years.

I had grown up far away from the city on a small acreage in the middle of farmland. There was a small town about a fifteen-minute drive from our house. Suddenly, that looked appealing.

My parents were watching the news and checking in on me often. Just as Derrick and I had discussed, I talked to my parents about going back home. We talked about ways to make the farm self-sufficient. The process began when we bought solar panels and batteries to store the energy for use. We researched seeds for our gardens and made sure the well was in good working order.

My entire life savings went into purchases to make sure that we would be fully self-sufficient, and that I would have what I needed to fix anything that broke. I needed the materials, and Derrick would make sure that I could learn what to do.

Meanwhile, Derrick and I had been working on a way to get a copy of the server. He assisted me in creating a materials list for its restoration, but it would remain offline and inaccessible to others. Working from the inside, he helped me get it. It was a larger undertaking than I had imagined it would be. I had written instructions on how to put everything together once I got settled on the farm.

I left my job with no notice. After having gathered and shipped everything to the farm, I left work on a Friday and drove straight there.

“Oh, Emily!” My mother had tears in her eyes as she met me at my car.

I hadn’t slept, and the sun was coming up. She hugged me tightly, holding on longer than normal.

My dad stood behind her. I could see a glisten in his eyes, but he held it in. They had been worried I wouldn’t make it.

The house was well off the dirt road, and the barn was a ways back from that. While I slept in my old bedroom in the house, I let my parents know I would love to have ‘my own place’ by building a small apartment in the barn. The barn sat mostly empty for years, so they were fine with that. My dad even helped me to build my apartment. We also set up our gardens, our solar panels, and everything else we needed. In the back of the barn, we parked our cars, vowing not to leave unless it was an emergency. We planted bushes and trees to block the driveway, as well as to block a view of the house or barn.

My parents didn’t know I had anything related to Life2 with me. They never came out to the barn, so once my apartment was done, I cleared out a large space in the barn and put everything together.

It had been over a year since I had said goodbye to Derrick before I pulled my headset on again. My heart raced with both anticipation and fear. What if something hadn’t worked? What if I didn’t have it all set up correctly? The real server would be deleted by now, so there would be no way to go back. This was it.

I can’t even convey the feeling that poured over me as I stepped into our house. The kids had grown so much. And then there was Derrick. His face lit up when he saw me. He grabbed me in his arms and kissed me with abandon. I laughed, joy overflowing.

“It worked,” he was breathless. “I’m so thankful it worked!”

“It worked!”

I had been over halfway through the pregnancy of our third child, a daughter, when I had left. Unfortunately, since she would have been born during the time I was gone, we lost her. We grieved her loss, but also felt such joy at our reunion.

Outside of the farm, the world seemed to fall apart. Several years later, the power company shut down. Suddenly, those solar panels became much more important. There were still a few television channels we could pick up over the air, and there was mention of the power company shutting down. Those channels went off the air over the next six months. And then the mail carrier stopped driving by to deliver mail. The whole world seemed to shut down.

My parents felt devastated at the state of the world. Meanwhile, I had constant reasons for joy. We had our next child, another girl, Morgan. Our youngest, a boy we named Peter, was born shortly after the mailman stopped delivering.

My parents never knew the source of my joy or optimism, but they seemed to relish it. We would work in the garden together, or enjoy a meal together, and the end of the world never seemed to get me down.

Occasionally, a person would wander onto our farm. We would usually feed them a meal and they would be on their way. Often they were trying to get to someone they knew.

About a year after the last straggler passed through, my dad died. That was the first time I felt the devastation of dealing with the world.

I dug his grave by hand. It was so much harder, physically, than I thought it would be. I took longer than would have been ideal, and decomposition had begun. My mother was a complete wreck, and I was having a hard time with it, so not able to bring up her spirits as I usually would. Maybe that’s why it was no surprise that my mother followed a year later. I had found a large rock and every so often I would work on trying to carve my parents’ names into it. I had the basics, but I wanted to make the carving deeper so that it wouldn’t disappear.

I was then on my own on the farm with the dogs, chickens, and a sizable garden. I would preserve and store food for the winter. Anything I didn’t know how to do, Derrick would figure out a way to teach me.

I had fresh air when working on the farm, but I had my real life with my family. The years passed by, marked by many milestones for us. We had birthdays and anniversaries. We had parties with friends and celebrated holidays. There were game nights, movie nights, and stories to be told. Derrick even taught me to paint.

Then our family grew more. We added a daughter-in-law when Mila married our oldest, Lucas. Our first grandbaby, Chester, was born just before we welcomed a son-in-law. Gordon joined our family when he married Teagan. Teagan gave birth to a daughter, Jasmine, just before Mila had her second baby, Penelope. There was always joy and excitement in our home.

Some days when I would work on the garden, or tend the chickens, I would wonder if I was the last person on Earth. There was no way for me to truly know. I suppose I could have set out and searched for others, but I saw no purpose in that. Would the last person on Earth even know they were the last?

++++++++++

“I could never regret choosing this relationship. Even if the entire world died outside.”

I felt fulfilled, challenged, loved, and seen.

The next day, everyone in our family came over and the house was full of activity. I had little energy, but I loved watching everyone. The little ones were so playful and there was so much life in our home. I made sure that every person in my family knew that I loved them.

Years before, I had made sure that Derrick had controls over the computer so that he could make any changes. I checked that night that he still had rights in the system. I intended to pass with my headset on, so I wanted to be sure he could turn off the power to the headset. While he couldn’t physically change the mechanics, he had full rights to the software. I wanted my family members to still have long, rewarding lives.

I looked back on my life. I knew many would have disagreed with the path that I chose, but ultimately I felt pride in a life well lived.

This story originally appeared in the Mensa Bulletin (September 2025)